How well do you know your child?

Do you think you really know your child? I don’t mean know what he/she likes and doesn’t like, but to know him/her well enough to understand his/her challenges, to appreciate his/her strengths and weaknesses and to help him/her develop his talents. Knowing your child can help increase their chance for success in the future and improve your relationship.

As parents, we are constantly looking for ways to improve out relationship with our children, discipline our children and provide proper guidance. How many of us take the time to get to really know our child? Some of us believe that our children are extensions of us and don’t have their own thoughts, dreams and goals. When was the last time you sat down with your child to find out what they are thinking? The answers may surprise you. Children, especially during puberty, start to discover and develop their identity. They go through an emotional and psychological identity crisis and question and challenge their parents. At this point, children start to crave support and direction from their parents, but are not always compelled to ask for it. But how can you help your child, if you do not know their needs? Simple, ask them!

You are not a mind reader and your child probably will not voluntarily share his/her personal information with you. When you start to offer unsolicited advice, they feel that you are being intrusive or nosy and get defensive. There are two simple steps to getting to know your child. The first step is to listen more and speak less. Let your child direct the conversation and when they ask for your advice, offer it without being judgmental or critical. Lecturing and berating your child for poor judgment or unhealthy decisions will not help you to understand him/her more because you will not be getting to the core reason for the behavior. If you do not have the proper information, how can you give your child the support that he/she needs? By listening, you will be able to help your child understand how their choices and decisions affect their lives and direct them to making healthier and more responsible decisions. By being an active listener, you learn to acknowledge what your child is feeling and give your child the information and advice that he/she needs.

The second step is to ask the questions that will create meaningful conversation. The typical responses to “How was your day?” are “Good” or “Fine.” Ask open ended questions instead of closed ended questions that result in one word responses. Ask specific rather than general questions that will stimulate your child to think. Show your child that you have a genuine interest in what is going on in his/her life. Don’t force this process, let it come naturally and soon your child will respond. Ask casually and soon your child will start to volunteer the information. Find out who influences your child. Even ask tough questions such as, “How do you feel about our family?” The point is not to judge your child’s responses, but to know what he/she is thinking or how he/she is feeling. Ask your child if he/she has any resolutions for this year. What was his/her biggest challenge or setback last year? Ask the questions without interrogating. Don’t bombard them with questions or you may face resistance. Resolve today to spend a few minutes each day getting to know your child better. This is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to your child.

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Teach Your Child How To Clean Up A Room

Being able to clean up his room is an important skill for your child to learn. Here are some great tips about how to teach your child to clean up a room.

Are you tired of constantly reminding on your child to clean his room? And then come back 30 minutes later to find him playing with his toys, the room looking worse than ever? Then try some of these tips to get your child motivated to clean his room.

Don’t Let The Mess Get Out Of Control
If your child’s room is totally out of control, you’ll have a hard time getting him to clean it all up. Jump in there with him, and get it all straightened out. Consider removing some of the toys at least temporarily. We started rotating some of our daughter’s toys and it’s working very well. Less toys in the room means less potential mess.

Have A Place For Everything
Take a few hours and organize everything in you child’s room. Your main focus is to make sure every single toy, book and piece of clothing has a place. It will be much easier for your child to keep his room clean if he knows exactly where everything goes. This also helps avoid him stuffing everything in the closet or toy box.

Turn on Some Music
Do you crank up the music when you clean the house? It’s a lot more fun to clean with music playing. The same goes for your child. Dig out one of his kid’s music CDs and turn it on for him when it’s time to clean. Show him how much fun it can be to dance around while you pick up toys.

Make It A Game
Take the having fun while cleaning up a step further by making it a game. See how can score the most points in toy box basketball or race each other to see who can clean up the most toys. Once your child gets the hang of cleaning his room and doesn’t need you by his side, race each other to see if he can clean his room faster than you can clean the living room or the kitchen.

Use The Put It Up Rule
Now that the initial clean up is done, take some steps to keep his room from getting out-of-control messy again. The easiest way to do this is to implement the put-up rule. After your child is done playing with one toy or game, get him in the habit of putting it up before he gets out the next. He will need some reminders from you in the beginning to get into this habit. If there are toys or clothes lying around by the end of the day, make him clean them up before bedtime.

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How To Build The Self Esteem Of Your Child

Helping your child build self esteem is a big part of your parental responsibility. Learn more about how to build the self esteem of your child.

Children go through difficult periods where their self esteem is challenged by their peers. The pressures of fitting in with cliques, wearing certain clothes, and keeping up appearances are overwhelming.

If your child shows signs of low self-esteem, take immediate action to counterbalance their feelings of obscurity. Here are some ways to help raise your kid’s self-esteem.

Be proud of them.
Let your child know that you are proud of them. Tell them how impressed you are that they maintain honor roll grades. Brag about their special accomplishments to friends and family while they’re within listening distance.

Praise them.
It’s easy to point out failures or mistakes. Kids take these criticisms to heart. Call attention to their successes. Express your approval when your child does something nice.

Focus on their strengths.
As a parent, you know what your child’s strengths are better than anyone else. Center your conversation with them around all the things they are doing well. Make a point to clearly notice their strong points.

Show them special attention.
Children who have self-esteem issues typically act like they don’t want attention to be focused on them, even though that’s exactly what they need and secretly want. Spend some quality one-on-one time with your kids. Give them your total attention and let them know how special they are to you, not only as your child, but as a person.

Respect their opinions.
You may not agree with everything your kids say and do. Keep in mind that they are growing every day, evolving and maturing into adults. Even though you disagree with something they say or want to do, respect their opinions. Make it clear that while you are the adult, you value their thoughts and stance.

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