Top Ten Ways To Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids
September 30, 2008
By Mark Brandenburg
Potty Training Tips
Potty Training Advice and Tips From Moms & Dads Like You.
Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children is the best way to ensure that they live a happy, successful, and responsible life as an adult. Here are ten ways to help your kids attain a high degree of emotional intelligence:
1. Model emotional intelligence yourself
Yes, your kids are watching very closely. They see how you respond to frustration, they see how resilient you are, and they see whether you’re aware of your own feelings and the feelings of others.
2. Be willing to say “no” to your kids
There’s a lot of stuff out there for kids. And your kids will ask for a lot of it. Saying no will give your kids an opportunity to deal with disappointment and to learn impulse control. To a certain degree, your job as a parent is to allow your kids to be frustrated and to work through it. Kids who always get what they want typically aren’t very happy.
3. Be aware of your parental “hotspots”
Know what your issues are-what makes you come unglued and what’s this really about? Is it not being in control? Not being respected? Underneath these issues lies a fear about something. Get to know what your fear is so you’re less likely to come unglued when you’re with your kids. Knowing your issues doesn’t make them go away, it just makes it easier to plan for and to deal with.
4. Practice and hone your skills at being non-judgmental
Start labeling feelings and avoid name-calling. Say, “he seems angry,” rather than, “what a jerk.” When your kids are whiny or crying, saying things like, “you seem sad,” will always be better than just asking them to stop. Depriving kids of the feelings they’re experiencing will only drive them underground and make them stronger.
5. Start coaching your kids
When kids are beyond the toddler years, you can start coaching them to help them to be more responsible. Instead of “get your hat and gloves,” you can ask, “what do you need to be ready for school?” Constantly telling your kids what to do does not help them to develop confidence and responsibility.
6. Always be willing to be part of the problem
See yourself as having something to do with every problem that comes along. Most problems in families get bigger when parents respond to them in a way that exacerbates the problem. If your child makes a mistake, remember how crucial it is for you to have a calm, reasoned response.
7. Get your kids involved in household duties at an early age
Research suggests that kids who are involved in household chores from an early age tend to be happier and more successful. Why? From an early age, they’re made to feel they are an important part of the family. Kids want to belong and to feel like they’re valuable.
8. Limit your kids access to mass media mania
Young kids need to play, not spend time in front of a screen. To develop creativity and problem-solving skills, allow your kids time to use free play. Much of the mass media market can teach your kids about consumerism, sarcasm, and violence. What your kids learn from you and from free play with others will provide the seeds for future emotional intelligence.
9. Talk about feelings as a family
State your emotional goals as a family. These might be no yelling, no name-calling, be respectful at all times, etc. Families that talk about their goals are more likely to be aware of them and to achieve them. As the parent, you then have to “walk the talk.”
10. See your kids as wonderful
There is no greater way to create emotional intelligence in your child than to see them as wonderful and capable. One law of the universe is, “what you think about expands.” If you see your child and think about them as wonderful, you’ll get a lot of “wonderful.” If you think about your child as a problem, you’ll get a lot of problems.
Having a high IQ is nice, but having a high “EQ” is even better. Make these ten ideas daily habits and you’ll give your kids the best chance possible to be happy, productive, and responsible adults.
Additional Resources:
Potty Training Tips
Potty Training Advice and Tips From Moms & Dads Like You.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.
Potty Training Guide
September 30, 2008
Potty training is an exciting process for parents and children. You will
find some great tips on how to make a smooth transition from diapers
to the potty.
Toilet training (herein referred to as “potty training”) is an exciting time for parents and children, as the child takes the next step to becoming a “big” girl or boy. While parents usually start this adventure filled with the anticipation of being able to cross “diapers” off the shopping list, their toddlers can make them wonder if this will ever happen.
Successful potty training requires a positive attitude and tons of patience on the parent’s part. More importantly, it requires cooperation and readiness on the part of the trainee. Attempting to train a child who is not physically or emotionally mature will not only be unproductive, it will cause unnecessary stress for both parent and toddler.
The American Academy of Pediatrics advises that between 18 and 24 months, children often begin to show signs of being ready to begin training. Some children may not be ready until 30 months or older. Since children under the age of 18 months have little to no control over their bladder or bowel movements, beginning before this time is not useful.
Some of the signs that indicate a child is ready to be trained are:
Your child shows interest in using the toilet.
Your child makes a face, changes her posture or tells you when she is about to urinate or have a bowel movement.
Your child wants to be changed soon after soiling his diaper.
Your child can speak well enough to communicate when she needs to use the potty.
How to Start
Once you feel your child is ready to begin potty training, the first step is to purchase a potty chair. A potty chair is smaller than the toilet and helps the child to feel more secure.
Have your child sit on the potty during times she is most likely to urinate or have a bowel movement, such as in the morning, before and after naps or after mealtimes. Reading a book, talking or singing songs will encourage your child to sit on the chair longer. Avoid trying to force your child to sit for long periods of time or against her will.
Don’t be surprised if, after sitting on the potty without result, your child stands up and begins to urinate. This is often perceived as stubbornness. The fact is, your child may not have mastered the skill of relaxing his bladder muscles. If this happens frequently, it may be a sign that he is not yet ready.
Training Pants
When your child begins to successfully use the potty, you may want to consider purchasing training pants for daytime use. Disposable training pants are convenient for outings, but cotton training pants will allow your child to be more aware of when they are urinating, encouraging them to use the potty instead. Plastic diaper covers will help protect your home from accidents.
Nighttime
Some children simultaneously learn to stay dry during the day and at night. For others, it can take several months, even a few years. Allowing your child to wear a diaper at night until she begins to consistently wake up dry will prevent feelings of shame and failure.
Regression
A new baby, changes in routine, family crisis or putting too much pressure on your child, can cause him to regress in the potty department. Avoid making your child feel bad during this time and encourage him to keep trying.
Relax
Every child’s body is different. Some catch on quickly, while others take much longer to recognize the signals their body is sending them. Lavish praise on your child when she is successful and reassurance when she has an accident.
Avoid comparing your child’s potty training progress to that of an another child’s. Mastering the use of the toilet is not an indication of a child’s intelligence. It is dependent on their physical, physiological and emotional maturity. Have patience and eventually, your child will be a “big” boy or girl.
Additional Resources:
Potty Training Tips
Potty Training Advice and Tips From Moms & Dads Like You.
Karen Bianchi is a freelance writer and the editor of AwesomeMomsNetwork.com. She is also the mother of 4 potty-trained kids. You can contact her at kbianchi@AwesomeMomsNetwork.com
Parenting Skills Material – Being A Good Parent Isn’t
September 29, 2008
Potty Training Tips
Potty Training Advice and Tips From Moms & Dads Like You.
In the days when our parents started raising us, they didn’t have the parenting skills material like the books and manuals out now on how to raise a happy child. They made it up as they went along, made their own mistakes, but most often did a great job. There is so much information out there telling parents how to raise their children sometimes its just information overload. It’s often confusing and many times you can find information that is at completely different ends of the spectrum. When it comes down to it, parents don’t need a manual. Just do it!
As a parent our jobs at times can be both frightening and overwhelming. As soon as the new baby arrives into it’s parents lives, they are obsessed over every little cry, cough or night without sleep. It is completely natural, but not really necessary. A great step in the right direction is to have confidence in your ability to care for your child. A positive attitude follows. A child can sense when you are fearful and apprehensive. So it is always important to remain calm and not to make your parenting task seem out of proportion to the demands placed on you. If you don’t think you can do it, you want be able to be the best parent you can be.
You can find advice on TV shows, magazines, books and everywhere in between, just ignore it. Trust your instinct as a mom that you will do the best for your child, that’s all you need. Don’t worry if you make a mistake, everyone does, just learn from it and move on. Family and friends are there for you, use them as your support group. Don’t think negative thoughts or even that you’re the only one going through this type of thing. Children are much more resilient than you think.
While your parents may have handled situations one way, you have the opportunity to create new methods for dealing with specific issues. Don’t be afraid to try. There isn’t any advice in any parenting skill material out there that can override your own instinctual feelings. Rely on them; trust them, and you’ll be just fine. Parenting is a learning process you need to experience on a daily basis. Your strength will guide you into becoming a wonderful parent. Listen to your inner voice; it’s all you need.
